I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Randomize
