you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
