I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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