We're facebook friends in real life
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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