nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize