He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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