What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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