my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My balls are so social today.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
