I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
