Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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