you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I have feelings that need drinking.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Randomize
