me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
