Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
