Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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