My room smells like vodka and shame
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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