Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
