im drinking this country out of the recession.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
