My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
