ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
