true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
