I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
