My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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