We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
