youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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