i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
