So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
