i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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