she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
