I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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