also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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