God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
