Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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