Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize