in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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