I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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