just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
