We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
