At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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