We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
