My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
