Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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