Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
