It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
