i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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