walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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