I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
