Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
