I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
