I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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