im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
