Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
