I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
