How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
