Im at strip club and am horny
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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