Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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