My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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