I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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