I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
