Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
