Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
