Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
