It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
