And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
