Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
