can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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