Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
