Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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