He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
