My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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