I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
